EmotionsLifestyleMotivation

When venting out anger turns an “investment” into a loss

Being angry is mostly for a reason. We are meant to be calm otherwise, but we tend to be angry due to a variety of things. Usually, it is the response to some internal (within us) or external stimulation. But, anger is not the remedy of anything. Being the son of a doctor, I was taught since earlier childhood by my father, to control anger as much as possible.

In those days, we used to get angry on some childhood stuff and at that very moment, dad used to tell me that anger is not good for relations and for our own health. Medically, it releases adrenaline into blood and which is not good in the long term .i.e. if it happens frequently.

An Illustration from real life..

Recently someone sent me a friend request on the social media, (quite common as I have 100 something odd requests pending as of now). She was trying in the media industry and we had 3-4 mutual friends in common. I added her thinking she might know me as she also dropped a “Hi” message along with the request.

I replied formally to the message and continued with my life (almost forgetting about the recently added connection). It was that one day, she pinged me again with a message, asking about how I know a friend of mine.(a school friend)

I told her that he is a good friend of mine and that’s how the conversation with her begun, we talked generally and here she talked about our professional and educational background and I was happy in conversation with her. She mentioned she was doing an MBA from a good-rating B-school and had an inclination towards modeling etc. I was like – “Okay.”

Then she mentioned that – she has a problem and that is that she is unable to control her anger and vents out anger in small things which almost ruins her friendships and relationships. I said, “Okay. Learn to control anger and don’t do anything – text, speech or anything when you are angry.”

I suggested some remedial measures to her and she was like – “Okay. I understood. I will try these things for sure.”

I was happy to help her with my advice and this is how the conversation went.

After a while, she asked whether I used whatsapp (a very popular IM app) and here, I told her that – “Yes, I use it.”

I was getting late to meet a good friend (male) of mine, and so I was hurriedly replying to her (this new social media friend).

To this she replied, “Add me up on Whatsapp.”, to which I hurriedly replied – “Okay”

Though I didn’t want to add up random friends on Whatsapp, due to a bad experience earlier. But, I just thought to defer the issue for a while. I left for the important work afterwards. When I checked the social media again, I found her insulting comments, (which most probably she had posted as a way to vent out her anger) on my social media.

I didn’t utter anything and simply blocked her on the social media. (I knew responding to her won’t make any sense because people who vent out anger this way won’t understand their fault and will just debate over the issue.)

The After Story..

After all this, when I got free from the important work I analysed whether my response to her insulting/abusive comments (in form of blocking her) was justified. I came to a conclusion that I might have tried to convince her that it was a bad way to vent out her anger in a way, which was offending to me, rather then directly blocking her. But, then I thought that when she confessed and she agreed that she understood the concept, still if she prefers venting out anger than the only remedy available with me was the one which I exercised.

But in all this, I also understood a fact, that how we react on things has a very important role in our lives. For example: You interact with someone randomly. I believe that we can learn things from anyone whom we meet and have a mindful conversation with.

The Conclusion I derived..

So, in all this I realized the importance of our behavior. For instance, lets say I am a job seeker and looking for a job. I appear for an interview somewhere, where the screening is done in three stages and suppose the HR at the last stage, puts irrelevant questions on me (lets assume) and I spoke harsh to them, then what will be the result:

1.) I will get the job (negligible chances)

2.) I will be disqualified (most probable)

Now if I am disqualified at this stage, what will happen – All my progress, efforts to clear three stages go in vain as I get disqualified.

All this due to just one thing – me getting harsh..

Same goes with relations (friends, acquaintance, or otherwise). When we talk with someone for a considerable amount of time, we normally invest our time, efforts and our emotions in talking with them. If we vent out our anger in a way, that is offending to them they will move away from us. Then all that time and emotions invested by us, goes in vain. (into trash)

Now think of it.. Is it really necessary to vent out anger at that moment? I don’t think it is..

If you have a disagreement with someone, you can say politely.. Like if the person would have asked the reason for me deferring to her request then I would have clarified and than if later I found it suitable I would have added her. I have many of my friends, close friends I have met online and now they are in my close circle of friends.

Ending lines..

So while ending my article, I would just like to say that – “Don’t take a decision when you are angry. As it will have some disastrous effect.” I narrated this experience because this was the instance that prompted me to write this article. And this way I can brag too that I was brought up in a very nice way by my mom-dad and grandparents. (who taught such life lessons periodically, which I still remember and am thankful to them for teaching it to me at that tender age.)

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