“Jealousy” in general and in relationships: Good or bad?

A good friend of mine recently called me over the weekend and we talked about a variety of things. Conversations started from a warm greet and then we started to talk about relationships. Here is what he asked, which ultimately lead to a lengthy discussion with him and then a thorough brain-storming continued for me after the conversation and finally it led me into writing an article (yeah, this one) on this.

He asked, “Some say a relationship with jealousy is a good one, because we are jealous of something which we think is our own or we truly care about. That definitely creates a feeling of togetherness and say that “We do care”, then why we often talk that jealousy is a wrong thing. (in general sense)”

It being a good question, prompted me to search in myself for the answers. Yes, since the very childhood, having read the moral science lessons (we had those, in our times :D), we often came up with a conclusion that jealousy is a bad thing to do.

Firstly, when we talk about jealousy in general, then it is off course an issue for the mankind, as it leads to us competing against someone (with whom we are jealous) – which may be good or bad. In the case of “bad scenario”, we MAY tend to do something that is morally not fair to give ourselves a boost in this imaginary race (the child of jealousy).

For example: Let’s say a Class-IInd boy A is a good football player and he is being much praised for the same. Now let’s say a boy B who is also a good football player and also a good painter, then he often gets more praise for the same also studies in the same class. A’s normal course of action in this will be two of the following:

  • Learning the art of painting (which will lead to him learning a new habit, a GOOD thing but if it arises out of the thoughts of jealousy against B, it is a warning sign)
  • An attempt to spoil a recently made painting of B.

If it is the course of action (2.), rather than scolding the said child, the corrective method should be to teach him, “that he can learn a thing and excel in it only when he is either genuinely interested in pursuing it, and not out of competition.” This method can be opted by a guardian of the said child (parents) or grandparents or a teacher.

Now coming to the point of “Jealousy in relationships”, it is a matter that is rather complex because jealousy in relationships is usually not dealt the same way as we do it in general i.e. with a child.

Jealousy in relationships, when identified often leads to arguments over the “jealousy” point and it overlooks the hidden reason of the issue in hand.

Let’s take an example: A is a nice- and good-looking guy and he is in a relationship with a girl B, who is very good looking. B is often complimented for her beauty and looks and this makes A proud that he is with the most beautiful girl in town.

Now, let’s say B recently meets her close friend in a party which is also attended by A, and here she gives more attention to C (her close friend) and that is followed by talks between B and C, it will most likely lead to A becoming jealous of C and his bonding with B will most likely be affected.

What will be the reaction of B, on knowing that A is jealous?

A good approach will be to have a detailed conversation (between A and B) which will be aimed at clarifying things that lead to the jealousy. Here, after the conversation – provided things are well clarified (instead of arguments – one supporting the jealousy and other against it).

What leads to jealousy in relationships?

Jealousy in relationships is often due to the following – We have an insecurity inside, that the guy/gal we are in relationship with may just abandon us and go away with someone, somewhere and we are concerned. Though, it is a SIGN of care/love, but it is more a WARNING SIGN then that.

In today’s time as we have transitioned from the usual process of communication – letters to phone calls and now social media apps, though it has made the process of communication easier but it has led to some disadvantages too.

There have been various instances, where people have started stalking their partner’s profiles on various social media apps, their chat history etc. as if they were some detective. It is okay to be vigilant but ensure you don’t disturb your own peace of mind and the beauty of your relationship in all that you do.

Mantra for overcoming it –

First and foremost – Date a person, not his/her beauty. If you date her then you should realize she has her own set of friends, her family, her pets (if she has), her own life that will also take some of her time. You will have to be a lot understanding in all these. Above all, be confident on yourself. She has chosen you and you have chosen her. And that is what matters.

Try loving them UNCONDITIONALLY. Try loving them for their soul, accepting them will all flaws. Tell them, you don’t love them for their beauty but their soul. And also, make sure you MEAN IT, as you say it.

FOCUS on your own career goals, education goals, life goals, and support her/him in achieving theirs. We often fall in love because it makes our life beautiful. Try making it more and more beautiful for both of you, because it will make both of you a very happy and understanding couple.

Best wishes with you all.. God bless you all..!!!!!!


Disclaimer: A “single” person is writing this stuff, so he may be wrong with this topic, in particular. If you think you have some feedback/ suggestion/improvements for the same, either comment over here or mail the same to: ankitsingh@tulrac(dot)com. Suggestions/Improvements will be acknowledged. Stay in touch, Readers.

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